{"id":488,"date":"2013-01-27T17:43:31","date_gmt":"2013-01-27T17:43:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lelandhale.com\/wordpress\/?p=488"},"modified":"2013-01-27T17:43:31","modified_gmt":"2013-01-27T17:43:31","slug":"hitchhike-the-tramp-pt-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lelandhale.com\/wordpress\/hitchhike-the-tramp-pt-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Hitchhike: The Tramp, Pt. 1"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>South Dakota. The sun is a blank white fire rolling across the sky. H. and I are squatted at an underpass, watching swallows swoop to their nests while the cars pass by, oblivious. It&#8217;s ninety degrees in the shade.<\/p>\n<p>An hour of this is fine. (No, it&#8217;s not.) And now we&#8217;re going on several without a ride. This is no place to be. Finally a battered Ford sedan staggers to a stop and the driver leans over to talk to us, the rolled down windows his only air conditioning. <\/p>\n<p>&#8220;You going to Sioux Falls?&#8221; I ask casually, trying not to look desperate. He&#8217;s in his forties but looks older. Older and harder, with a two day beard, rumpled hair, stained shirt.  <\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Is that on the way to Chicago?&#8221; <\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Yes. You going that far?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Well, let me tell you,&#8221; he replies. &#8220;I&#8217;m drunk.&#8221; <\/p>\n<p>H. asks him the essential question. The question of the hour, if not the day. &#8220;You mind if we drive?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Ok,&#8221; he says. &#8220;I&#8217;m real tired.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>He slides to the passenger side, H. settling between us, me driving. Barely underway and out comes a pint. &#8220;Do you want some whiskey?&#8221; &#8220;No.&#8221; &#8220;Do you mind if I do?&#8221; &#8220;No.&#8221; Bottle to his mouth, he takes a straight shot. My mouth burns just watching. <\/p>\n<p>The car has problems. It doesn&#8217;t seem able to hit more than fifty. Ok, then, we&#8217;ll settle into the slow lane. That&#8217;s when I notice the gas gauge reads &#8220;empty.&#8221; No, he tells us, it&#8217;s broken. &#8220;When it&#8217;s full, it reads half a tank.&#8221; He leans over to check it himself, making sure to glance his arm across H.&#8217;s breasts as he goes by. She squirms. <\/p>\n<p>&#8220;We got 150 miles in it easy,&#8221; he proclaims on the way back to his perch. H. sneaks me a look. It says, &#8220;he did it again.&#8221; Asshole. He&#8217;s already back at the whiskey. Tells us he&#8217;s glad to have the company. Offers us money. Passes out, his head awkward against the door jamb. <\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/images.cdn.fotopedia.com\/flickr-3574817229-original.jpg\" \/><br \/>Photo by <a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/35946983@N00\" title=\"snap man\">Snap Man<\/a>. Powered by <a href=\"http:\/\/www.fotopedia.com\" \/>Fotopedia<\/a><\/br><\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I still don&#8217;t trust this gas gauge,&#8221; I tell H. &#8220;We don&#8217;t know <em>when<\/em> he last filled up. Or if&#8230;&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Maybe we should pull over at the next gas station.&#8221; Her voice is a mix of disquiet and loathing. We&#8217;ve got our eyes out. <\/p>\n<p><strong>Get The Book<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>This hitchhiking adventure, and others like it, informed &#8220;<a title=\"Huck Finn is Dead by Leland E. Hale\" href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Huck-Finn-Is-Dead-ebook\/dp\/B00AD7CVUM\/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1357347544&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=huck+finn+is+dead\">Huck Finn is Dead<\/a>,&#8221; the fictional account of the life and times of Carney James. You should read it, &#8220;Huck Finn is Dead,&#8221; I mean. You&#8217;ll like it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>South Dakota. The sun is a blank white fire rolling across the sky. 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