Run To Daddy

The mother of one of Jerry Sandusky’s victims has been quite outspoken about (then) graduate assistant Mike McQueary’s reaction to catching the coach sodomizing a ten-year-old boy in the Penn State gym:

“I don’t even have words to talk about the betrayal that I feel,” said the mom of Victim Six. “[McQueary] was a grown man, and he saw a boy being sodomized … He ran and called his daddy?”

I am not here to judge Mr. McQueary’s reaction, although from this distance it seems less than noble. Many commentators have piled on, using the mother’s reaction as a starting point. There is another truth here, though, and it’s worth mentioning. Most people do not know how they’ll react when faced with a fearful or stressful situation. They think they do, but they don’t. As my standby expert, FBI profiler Mary Ellen O’Toole, notes in “Dangerous Instincts,” the truth is much more nuanced:

“Many people tell me that they would scream bloody murder if someone attempted to assault or kidnap them. What I’ve learned from interviewing… victims, however, is that your natural reaction to a threat is not necessarily predictable. Some people are mute through an entire encounter. Their fear incapacitates them. Others have told me that they kicked and screamed, [or] cried uncontrollably… I’ve learned that different people react to fear in different ways and that your reaction is unpredictable unless you plan and practice in advance.”

Lest you think this unpredictable reaction applies only to violent encounters, an anecdote: Some years ago I was awakened from sleep by the sound of scratching in my living room. I got up to investigate, thinking it was my cat, only to find a burglar trying to remove glass from a cantilevered window and gain entry to my home. I tried to say something. I opened my mouth to speak. Nothing came out. Fortunately, he started to talk, which gave me time to recover my voice.
So the run to daddy reaction, while reprehensible, is a well understood reaction to fear. Unpredictable behavior in an unpredictable situation. No free passes here, given Penn State’s institutional culture of sweeping things under the rug. Just a recognition that the criticism should perhaps move a little farther down the timeline. And hey, as a society maybe we need a little more planning and training for dealing with such situations.
Speaking of which, while looking up the fear-reaction passages in O’Toole’s book, I came across this. Too soon to tell what the truth is, but… If you’ve read the grand jury presentment in the Sandusky case, I will leave you to your own assessment:

“Not all pedophiles are psychopaths, and nonpsychopathic pedophiles can feel remorse and guilt for their behavior. A psychopathic pedophile, however, is someone who is sexually attracted to children, victimizes children, and feels no remorse about this behavior. They will take greater risks to access a child in order to make the crime more exciting, will disregard the consequences of their behavior, will not accept responsibility even when caught, and are more likely to recidivate if the opportunity presents itself.”